Dating a single mother may seem to be an unique engagement but it is becoming more prominent in our neoteric culture. Over the years the rate of single mothers has increased at a rapid pace annually. According to the 2006 Annual Social and Economic Supplement provided by the Census Bureau, there were an estimated 10 million single mothers in the US alone, which has undoubtedly risen. If you are contemplating or already immersed in the world of dating single mothers, you should truly understand their essence, the dating complexities, the traits one must possess and the behavior one must conduct in order to maintain the longevity of the relationship.
The majority of single mothers do not have the time to date and have already been in and out the dating world. They won’t fall for the same games like most inexperienced individuals. Thus, your approach must be apparent, realistic, and clarity is a must. These women have priorities that revolve around a stable paying job while maintaining the physical and mental health of their child. Thus, they have no time to play the “head of over heels in love” girlfriend since nature has instinctively told her to nurture her child and mature to motherhood immediately. Although her priorities almost occupy her entire life, a single mother, like everyone else still yearns for companionship and is ever hopeful for a compatible mate.
Consorting with a single mother is not an easy venture. There are many apparent complications that will arise sooner or later. The methods of dealing with these issues will be the underlying factors in either the success or failure of the relationship.
The most apparent obstacle to deal with initially will be her busy schedule. Most single mothers do not have time for leisure activities let alone dating. Aside from work whilst raising and taking care of her child their allotted free time probably does not stray far from performing household duties, grocery shopping and completing weekly errands. Her life is a giant full time job and there is typically little to no outside help unless the father of her baby is a fabulous gentlemen which is more than likely not the case at all. You will find that planning dates a week or even a few days in advance rarely work out and are constantly canceled. You can forget about weekend trips and save yourself the disappointment. Get use to it. It is part of the initial process. If you still want to pursue this lovely lady, it is now your job to get over this hurdle.
You must be very understanding, considerate, and patient. Tell her that you are OK with her current life and that you do understand that her priority is not dating you but her family. Tell her that it is alright that you will come second to her child. Take initiative and find out what her schedule is like ahead of time and see what days she has free. Try to plan simple and relaxing dates that do not require her to think too much about her appearance and that do not keep her far from home (i.e. watching a movie at a nearby theater, a lunch date at a local diner, or dinner dates at smaller venue restaurants which allow more privacy and an intimate setting). If she cancels the date, it should not be a problem since it did not take a great deal of effort in setting it up. Be patient and do not be discouraged if she cancels even twice in a row. Dates will happen especially if she notices that you are putting in the effort. If you think she is still worth it, you have to make the sacrifice.
If you make it through several months without falter and she obviously likes you and appreciates your efforts, things can seem to transition hastily and get serious. Unless she hates men completely or has given up entirely on Love, she won’t just use you as a booty call 4 times a year. She will consider you as something worth while and will look for something long term. Long term means commitment and if you are fine with the idea of commitment, then that word ‘commitment’ means you are going to meet her child.
Meeting her son/daughter is a delicate issue and should not be treated lightly. You have to understand that to a single mother, her child is sacred and is the one thing she will protect to the death. That being stated, she is introducing to you her one vulnerability and true love of her life. You have to take into serious consideration that you are ready to be a father figure to her child and are still willing to be in a long term relationship with this woman.
Understanding the possibility you will acquire immediate and great responsibility at an instant is the first part of dealing with the matter. The second part is that you are knowingly capable at your present state in life with handling the obligations that comes along with dating a single mother long term and acknowledging the dramatic impact you will now have on both her and her child’s life. The final part is accepting and not fearing that your sole behavior will now influence and shall have consequences that will affect an adolescent. Thus, you must now live your life cautiously and decisively rather than recklessly or with uncertainty. You must truly love her enough to make this type of commitment.
If you have made it this far, you are probably feeling like you are on a whole other playing field. Congratulations, because you are doing impressively well. At this stage, you have demonstrated your efforts, shown sacrifice through your actions, illustrated compassion and consideration through your words and have taken on responsibilities that were never your own. This single mother is probably pondering what part of the sky you fell from and how the perfect male specimen just so happen to land on her lap. However, you must overcome one more major complication before acquiring complete success in this relationship. This final complication, thy name is “The Ex.”
The ex-husband or boyfriend is an issue that typically arises at some point during the relationship, especially if the former was not that great of a guy to begin with and has a tendency of causing negativity in the single mother’s world. In addition, her old feelings for him may be replaced by her new feelings for you or those new feelings for you may fade due to a spark of old feelings for him again. That is a risk you knowingly take but if you win her heart that risk simply dissipates. Unfortunately, “The Ex” never really disappears. You must understand that there will always be a permanent connection between the single mother and the ex-husband/boyfriend, that being their child.
Jealousy on your part is a common feeling that may occur initially if you are unsure where you stand with your lady. The best way to deal with this is to make sure that you are 100% open and honest with the single mother and vice versa. There can be no secrets when it comes to your relationship or the relationship with her ex-husband or boyfriend. You must have faith in her and give her the benefit of the doubt. If things seem suspicious do not jump to conclusions. Instead, talk to her and ask respectfully and calmly. If something is going on between her and the former mate, it will be apparent to you soon enough. The truth tends to reveal itself quicker than you think.
On a similar note, dealing with the ex-husband’s/boyfriend’s feelings of jealousy or anger resembles the former method I just discussed. If possible, talk to the ex-husband/boyfriend calmly and respectfully unless it becomes a violent situation. You must understand that his feelings may stem from guilt, regret, the desire for a second chance or merely just jealously of you being the “new guy.” Let him know you understand and you are not trying to replace him as a father. However, you must also tell him that your feelings for his former wife or girlfriend are strong and that you do not plan on leaving her anytime soon. Find a way to make him realize that she chose you, his chance has passed and he cannot blame anyone especially not you. This type of diplomacy should only be conducted if the situation directly involves you.
Another scenario involving the ex-husband/boyfriend is when the single mother and former are in a midst of an argument solely concerning the two of them. I understand you may want to jump in and defend your woman and think it may be best to mediate the situation yourself but honestly, it is not the best decision. The best option, under non-violent circumstances, is to exclude yourself from intervention and allowing the two of them to settle it themselves. Obviously, they are going to be times when the two will not compromise and be furious and resentful of one another. At this point, your only function is to be there for the single mother and try your best to comfort her at her time of need. The cure may not be saying the right words or even saying anything at all. She may just need you to be there to hold her. Physical closeness naturally makes people feel secure, safe, and calm.
You must be aware of the trials ahead and be fully committed and accepting of the responsibilities that will follow your success with a single mother. Always remember to be understanding and considerate. Dating a single mother is definitely an intricate challenge that requires two pertinent components on your part, effort and sacrifice. Be decisive, patient and maintain the will to succeed in building a healthy relationship and you shall be victorious in dating a single mother.