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Diary of Me: Divorced, Dating, & Delirious

She could feel his eyes burning into the very essence of her soul. He was looking at her as if nothing else in the world mattered at that very moment. Examining every part of her voluptuous, delicious body, he walked over to her, brushing against her while making his way across the crowded room. The feeling of his magnificent manliness made her melt, and she had to fight with herself to regain composure. As she glanced over, catching his haunting hazel eyes, her blood red lips mouthed the words “twelve o’clock”. He nodded, then in an instant he disappeared from sight. It was 11:55pm, only five more minutes but it seemed like an eternity. She could hardly wait to be with him again. If it was anything like last time, in a few short minutes they would be in the throws of passion at their special meeting place. Would he initiate things first again, or would she surprise him this time. Thinking about pleasing him while his fingers tussled her long chestnut hair made her crazy with anticipation. Her imagination was running wild with possibilities when the clock struck twelve. Her heart began to beat hard in her chest. It was time to meet him.

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She went looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Her eyes scanned the landscape, looking for any sign of his being. She began to second guess herself… Maybe she misinterpreted things? Should she go back? Or wait a little longer? Suddenly, she felt them; his strong hands around her tiny waist, his hot mouth on the nape of her neck. She melted again, her heart beating harder, her chest heaving deeper. Turning around to face him, he kissed her before either of them could speak a word. It had seemed like forever since they had last been together on that amazing night – their first time together. His tongue gently caressed her lips, licking and sucking them. He was confident in his abilities, and slid his hand up to cup her breasts, so hot and aroused that they were spilling out of her low cut blouse. She, in return, slid her hands down, feeling the intensity of his arousal as well. Their bodies, writhing together, stumbled back to a more private place in the garden – the gazebo. He pushed her back onto the bench and knelt down in front of her. Starting at her ankles, he slid his hands up her legs, exposing her black, thigh-high leggings and her black lace panties. Gazing into her blazing blue eyes for a moment he kissed her with such passion and voracity that it both scared and excited her at the same time. Making his way down from her lips, he ravaged her neck, her breasts, then onto that place that made her feel like she was on the ocean riding waves of ecstacy. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she became weak. He could do whatever he wanted, for she was powerless. Then she felt it coming, that rushing feeling, oh,oh., OH……………..

MAMA!!!! MAMA!!!!! MAAAMAAAA!!!!!!

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DAMN! So close! Who can relax and concentrate with all of that yelling and screaming!! Just when my imagination starts getting good and working for me, I’m disrupted by my 2 year old, who is supposed to still be napping. Ok, ladies, you know what I’m talking about : self-satisfaction, auto-pilot, the big “O”. We’ve all done it, or at least TRIED to do it. All I can say, girlfriends, is that when you are single, beggars can’t be choosers in the pleasure department if you know what I mean. There are two types of women out there, those who have the ability to satisfy themselves and those who lie about it. Anyway, it looks as if I’m not meant to reach “nirvana” today, but who knows, maybe later. Right now Bubba is hungry so I have to get some lunch going. But, as we all know, women can multitask, so why don’t I make lunch and update my story.

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Well, since we last spoke, I got not only one, but TWO tattoos (on my feet) and, in case you were wondering, yes…I pierced my belly button too!! Two more things crossed off my list of “Things to do Before I Die”. Anyway, last time I filled you in on a little background about me. I think we left off with Joe, the first guy I dated after my divorce (you know, the 22 year old hottie who couldn’t take care of a puppy?) Anyway, the last time I was out with Joe and some friends (after the point where I realized he was not the guy for me) was when I met Guy #2. We’ll call him “Ricky” (for Ricky Martin – remember him? The “La Vida Loca” & “Shake Your Bon Bon” guy??) While drinking at a bar in Worcester, MA (Jose Murphy’s, I believe) I met my own Latin Lover. There he was, dark hair, dark eyes, nice features, shaking his “groove thaang” to the club music. He was so into dancing that he didn’t notice I took his cute little knit black cap right out of his pocket! I waved it in front of his face and he laughed. “Did I drop that?” he said. “No. Actually, I took it out of your pocket- haha” Kind of corny, I know. Anyway we started talking and our personalities clicked right away, though he, too, was younger than me, 29. He had been in a long term relationship with a slightly older woman (who was a single mother of 4 – wow!!), so I felt like he could relate to me and could understand what I was going through. We had great times together, dancing, drinking, and living life. Our relationship lasted about 2 months – 2 months filled with passion and drama. Oh man, was there passion!! And oh,was there drama!! It seemed like after the first month, we began fighting like crazy. Looking back on it now, I realize that we were both so insecure about ourselves, and scared of being hurt, that we unknowingly were sabotaging the relationship. So, after breaking up and getting back together 3 times, we broke up for the 4th and final time in March. I will never forget that day. Not only was I hysterical, but I was depressed. It was a Sunday, my kids were with the ex, and I spent the ENTIRE day in bed!!! Crying, sleeping, then crying some more. I had been really hopeful about this guy, he was so sensitive, caring, and deep. He had important things to say; his views on life, family, friendship were thought provoking. And he had been through so much in his 29 years. Seems he had lived a lifetime. Again, however, I reluctantly realized that this was not he guy for me. In my opinion, he had somewhat of a drinking problem, and I knew this was not something I was capable of dealing with at this time in my life.

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Again I was faced with the question, “Where am I going to meet someone?” All my sister’s guy friends are too young, meeting guys in bars was the equivalent of picking someone up at an alcoholics’ convention, and my other 30-something girlfriends are all married with no link to the singles scene. I was left with one option, to put myself out there and just start meeting people. I saw an add on TV for Chemistry.com. Online? Could that really work? Or was I going to end up a missing person on the side on a milk carton? Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, so what the hell…. I signed up then and there for 3months. I was so excited!! I was surely going to meet some single guys now!!! I reviewed my matches, and sent “I am interested” messages to the guys I thought had potential. No response.I checked my account on that website about 20 times everyday, no response. Nothing the next day, or the day after that. “Ok, this sucks” I thought to myself. A week went by, and although there were people I was “matched” with, I found it difficult waiting for responses since initial contact was made through the website and not directly with the other party. I needed something more immediate. After doing an online search I stumbled on to a website called SinglesNet.com. Not only was it more immediate, but it was FREE!!! I filled out some information, uploaded my picture, and was on my way to meeting people! I got responses like crazy!!! It was a real self esteem booster, getting messages from guys saying they thought I was cute and they wanted to chat with me. It was a real pick me up!! I “talked” to a variety of men; older, younger, whites, African-Americans, Hispanics, and even Rednecks! HAHAHAHAHA! After searching through their members, and talking to several people, I finally saw him. The one guy in particular who really caught my eye. His picture was striking; big hazel eyes, shaved head, soul patch on his chin, and tattoos…lots of them!! ” I gotta meet this guy” I thought to myself. I sent him a message and waited. After sending him a few messages I finally got a response and was pleasantly surprised !! He was me…in a guy’s body! He even hates coffee and instead drinks green tea almost every day JUST LIKE ME!! (And since I love hanging out with me, I figured I’d love hanging out with him.) We instant messaged for days, hours at a time (after the kids were in bed). Turns out he was intelligent, sensitive, witty, and handsome, not to mention hilarious!!! Well, I found him Guy #3. We’ll call him the “Rockstar Guy” because he plays guitar in a cover band and he rocks!!! I’ve been seeing him now for almost three months, and I’m beginning to wonder….could this be it? Hmmmm………..

She could feel his eyes burning into the very essence of her soul. He was looking at her as if nothing else in the world mattered at that very moment. Examining every part of her voluptuous, delicious body, he walked over to her, brushing against her while making his way across the crowded room. The feeling of his magnificent manliness made her melt, and she had to fight with herself to regain composure. As she glanced over, catching his haunting hazel eyes, her blood red lips mouthed the words “twelve o’clock”. He nodded, then in an instant he disappeared from…

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She could feel his eyes burning into the very essence of her soul. He was looking at her as if nothing else in the world mattered at that very moment. Examining every part of her voluptuous, delicious body, he walked over to her, brushing against her while making his way across the crowded room. The feeling of his magnificent manliness made her melt, and she had to fight with herself to regain composure. As she glanced over, catching his haunting hazel eyes, her blood red lips mouthed the words “twelve o’clock”. He nodded, then in an instant he disappeared from sight. It was 11:55pm, only five more minutes but it seemed like an eternity. She could hardly wait to be with him again. If it was anything like last time, in a few short minutes they would be in the throws of passion at their special meeting place. Would he initiate things first again, or would she surprise him this time. Thinking about pleasing him while his fingers tussled her long chestnut hair made her crazy with anticipation. Her imagination was running wild with possibilities when the clock struck twelve. Her heart began to beat hard in her chest. It was time to meet him.

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