“Wonder Twin Powers…Activate!”
Remember those awesome cartoons that used to be on Saturday morning tv? When I was little, I always looked forward to them; School House Rock, Superfriends, and Bugs Bunny to name a few. Back then, most cartoons weren’t solely focused on educating children, well ,maybe with the exception of School House Rock (to this day I can still remember various parts of grammar – conjunctions, interjections and adjectives- , how bills become laws, and how important it is to save one’s allowance. ) Other shows were more fun and carefree. Poor Wile E. Coyote, his self esteem got crushed by the Road Runner every week. What a pathetic carnivore- he stunk as a predator and had to rely on making these crazy homemade contraptions in an effort to catch the Road Runner. Sad to say, in the end Wily ended up always being outwitted by that dumb, blue bird! (Though it was entertaining I admit). Then, there was Bugs Bunny; always dressing up in women’s clothes and flirting with Elmer Fudd, that bald, speech impaired, ridiculous excuse for a hunter. The list goes on and on. But then there were the heroic cartoon characters who fought against evil by using their superpowers, and did everything they could to restore order to a disorderly world. Wonder woman, Superman, Batman & Robin, and yes, my favorites, the Wonder Twins. They were so unbelievably cool…a brother and sister who actually got along with each other and worked together to fight crime. And the best part was they had these special rings which,when put together, and the catchy little Wonder Twin power activation phrase was said, the Twins were turned into really awesome things like pterodactyls and icebergs! Wow, I wish I could do that! Anyways, what’s my point… well, I am about to take a very big step in my life and I wish I had wonder twin powers to make sure everything works out right.
I’ve decided to take the plunge…no,no, I’m not getting married…I’ve decided that the time is right for my three little cherubs to meet the one and only Rockstar Guy. I am so very excited! And, at the same time ,extremely nervous. This is a huge step for me, as they have never met any of the guys I have dated since the divorce. I am very protective of the kids, always wanting to put them first and do what is in their best interest. I didn’t want them getting attached to someone, only to be devastated once more in the event of a nasty break up. It would be like going through the divorce all over again. I wanted to make sure that my new guy was an honest, true, good-hearted person, who was worthy of sharing the most important part of my life: my children. It has only been 3 months, but in that short time Rockstar Guy HAS proven himself to be worthy. He is a genuine person and, as I said previously, whatever happens between us we will always be friends. It will be great!! We can do things together like go out for ice cream, go to the zoo, to the water park, to play mini-golf, and do all sorts of things that “families” like to do. Granted, he will be introduced to them as a friend of mine, and not my “boyfriend”. It’s not like they are going to see him everyday, as we all have very busy schedules. Just mainly every other weekend when I have the kids. Believe me, I have not taken this lightly, I have weighed the options and played the scenarios over and over in my head. I just feel like this is the time.
“But its too soon!” some people say. “They shouldn’t meet him until you decide to get married!” What? In my opinion that is totally ridiculous and irresponsible. See, we…the kids and I… come as a package deal. This relationship is not going to be just me and him. The kids are a part of me, and if he wants to be with me, then it only seems right for him to want to be with them too. I am skipping way ahead, but this is how I think of it: imagine he and I are together for a few years and we decide we want to get married. Then all of the sudden, I introduce three crazy kids into the equation! They would turn everything upside down!! That sounds like a potential disaster scenario to me, especially since he does not have children. I cannot justify throwing them together into a permanent situation without letting them get to know each other first…slowly. I have it all worked out in my brain and, to me, it makes perfect sense.
So, then why am I nervous? Well, for a couple of reasons: I want the kids to be happy. I want them to like him, to be comfortable with him, and to enjoy sharing life with him as I do. I know he will never take the place of their father, and I don’t want them to be resentful of him for being a part of my life, and ultimately theirs. Although, I do feel as if I have taken the right steps to prepare them for the idea that someday mommy and daddy will have relationships with other people. “Someday daddy might have a new girlfriend, and that is ok” I told them. “Someday mommy might have a new boyfriend, and that is ok too”. They seemed to agree with both of those statements. Then we talked about what they wanted in a “daddy girlfriend” or “mommy boyfriend”. “They should be nice” was their first thought. “And fun” was their second. Well, Rockstar Guy is 2 for 2 so far!! Phew, that’s a relief.
Secondly, I am nervous due to the fact that he does not have any children and has not really experienced day to day life with kids. The fighting, the bickering, the yelling, the crying. “He started it!!” “No, she did!!” “No…No..NO!!!!!” “MOMMMMMMMYYYYYY!” Yikes!! Honestly, I am afraid they will drive him freaking CRAZY!!!! (God knows they drive me crazy some days). Yes, some days after I get them to bed, I just crave a stiff drink to help me relax and unwind. He, however, has not had to deal with children after a long, tiring day at work. Or kids who complain they don’t like what you made for dinner night after night. Or kids who, despite having more toys than one can possibly imagine, still complain that they are bored and there is “nothing to do around this house. It’s soooo boring!!” At the same time, though, he has also never experienced the joys that kids bring to your life: laughing at the goofy things they do and say, sharing an ice cream cone, wiping away tears as you fix their boo-boos, and watching their wonder, amazement, and innocence every Christmas morning. “He’ll never feel like that about them because they are not his!” some would say. I cannot, will not, accept that justification. Just like adoptive parents grow to love their adopted children, and vice versa, it does not matter whether the relationship is biological or not. As long as there is a meaningful bond, an understanding, and a respect amongst all parties involved. THAT is what I am hoping for in the long run.
I told him my feelings about the situation last night on the phone, and he apparently feels the same way. Excited, yet nervous. “I never had to be an ‘Insta-dad’ before!” he said. HAHAHAHA – that’s funny! “Insta-dad”–hmmm interesting choice of words. Not that he is planning on taking over the father role right away, (seeing as he has never experienced it). I think what he means is he is not really sure what to do with them. That’s where I come in and to try to put everyone at ease, helping things to go smoothly. If only he and I had Wonder Twin powers…”Wonder Twin powers…Activate! Form of… Insta-dad! Shape of…a licenced family counselor who will facilitate the bonding of all parties involved!” That would be perfect!! Then life would be grand, everyone would be happy, and we would all live happily ever after! If only it was that easy…
So, tomorrow is the day. We have a big family reunion to go to and will be picking up mom’s friend on the way. Rockstar Guy and the kids will have some time to chit-chat in the car, and we’ll all hang out for the day: grilling, eating, playing games, and hopefully getting to know each other better. The way I look at it, it if is meant to be, then things will work themselves out. If not, then maybe they will have gained a great friend as I have. Maybe I am being naive…I think I am being optimistic (which, now that I think of it, is #9 on the “Things to do Before I Die” list – become an optimist). Either way, the plans have been made, the food has been bought, and there is no going back. I’m going to try my best not to worry about it anymore. Why? Because today…..today…is FRIDAY!!! And I have more immediate, important things to attend to. I have to get Junior a haircut after school and get to my mom’s house. The kids are having a sleepover at “Noni’s” tonight, while I go check out Rockstar Guy’s band at the local club. Fun, Fun, FUN!!! Now, If only I had Wonder Twin powers to help me look incredible in my red halter top, cute capris and killer heels, my life would be content. Oh, what the hell…..”Wonder Twin powers…Activate!”… nothing…better luck next time…