Marriage, at a young age, took me out of the dating game for the better part of my life. One day, about three years
after the death of my husband, l felt rather lonely, and figured that it was time I had a man back in my life. I put an
ad on the Internet “man wanted” with a description of myself, and waited for an email response.
A few men replied, some again, and some never again. One or two I met for coffee at a local coffee shop, and
to be cautious and careful I drove myself to meet them. None of them made a lasting impression on me, or the type I wanted to see again. So I sat back and waited for more emails from other men.
Just as I was about to give up all hopes of meeting Mr. Right, ‘Charlie’ wrote and asked for a date. Not an early
lunch, but a real honest to goodness evening dinner show date. I was so excited and became frantic wondering
what on earth I would wear. I thought (before we ever met), that if we liked each other maybe we would go dancing or someplace else after dinner. I felt elated at the thought that I had a plan–but plans at times go astray. I met him at the restaurant, as I did not want to take a chance on meeting him at my home.
I liked him the moment I saw him, and when I got out of my car he gave me a big hug, and at first glance found him quite handsome and affectionate. We talked, we ate, we laughed and we held hands. The dinner was delicious, and the dinner show entertaining and soon it was over and time to leave.
“What do you want to do now,” he asked and dumb me said, (without giving it a thought), “Well I am going
home,” and we said goodnight and I quickly walked to my car, opened the door and drove away. I looked at the
clock in the car … It was only 8pm and sadly realized the evening did not go as I had planned.
On the drive home, I talked to myself, yelled at myself, mad at myself, and furious with myself ! I kept asking myself “why,’ – why was I so eager to go back to my empty home, all alone, with no one to be with, talk to or care for ….
All my plans just went up in smoke!
I stormed into the house after the short drive home. I was furious at myself and called myself every name that I
could think of, and some of them were not very nice. I rushed to the phone, to call, apologize and try to explain that this was my first date since my husband’s death. I guess I hoped he would understand, and ask me out again.
He was not home yet, so I left him a message on his answering machine. I got undressed, washed and ready for bed when he finally returned my call. I explained, as I said I would, that he was my very first date. I told him how foolish I felt for leaving as I did and that I looked forward to another date.
We continued conversing for over an hour and I was elated when he said we would meet again. Something inside me felt it would never happen and that I goofed up and blew it! I turned out the lights and headed for bed and never answered the question I had asked of myself — ‘Why did I leave – when I wanted to stay!’
Two days passed and I still had not heard from him. I wondered if I should phone him or continue to wait. Without giving it a second thought, I quickly dialed his number and he answered on the first ring. Again I brought up the events of that night, and how foolish I felt that it ended as it did with my rushing back home. We talked for an hour, and I held my breath as this time it was me who asked him for another date.
I was not prepared for the response that he gave, when he told me that he was sorry, but he had met someone
else. Wow! I had to sit down when he told me that he had been seeing her for a short time now and, for once in my life, I was speechless – and realized that seeing one woman, and dating another at the same time, was a part of The Dating Game.
I said goodbye and sadly hung up the phone. I sat there and wondered, if I had not left so fast on the
date, would he be dating me now instead of her. But after I gave it more thought, I realized that no matter what I had done that night, would not have mattered, because as he said, he had met her before we had our date. After much thought and after further dates, I came to the realization that he was hoping for sex after the date–so by leaving as I did, and by rushing back home, I saved myself any further heartaches and retained my self respect.
Internet Dating Tips and Advice (*)
(1)Never give out your full name, address or phone number on the Internet. Every name and/or address can be traced back to your exact location, and home address.
(2) Never expect too much from what a man tells you on the Internet, especially on the first email. Many men will tell you just what they think you want to hear. That is what happened with the first contact I had with ‘Charlie”.
(3) Never give out personal family information. My mistake was I told him I was widowed. Some men prey on the lonely and the young who think their family does not understand them.
(4) Never have a stranger from the Internet pick you up at your home. Never get into their car, even if you are going to go someplace ”after you meet”. Drive yourself, and make sure he does not follow you to your home, when you leave. If you see his car behind you, drive someplace else but never go directly to your ”home’.
(5) I was not ‘dumb’ about what I said. I did not know him, and was correct, no matter what time it was, or how early it was, to go right home. If he liked you, he would contact you again. You made a dinner date and nothing else. Remember keep your wits about you all the time. Meeting men on the Internet, for many, has resulted in being killed. Better to be safe and lonely, then to be sorry and be killed.
(6) This was the worse thing I could have done. Never reveal what I had revealed to him, and never beg for another meeting. That shows how vulnerable you truly are.
(7) This was the second worse thing I could have done, once again, asking him for a date. I sounded so desperate, that I could have easily been taken advantage of.
I did not realize it at the time, but I also saved myself from possibly being killed, tortured or maimed. Men and woman as well, play games on the Internet. They might have a mate asleep upstairs, while they chat and lie to you on the computer in another room. Lies can come from women as well as men. There is nothing but a screen between the two of you-remember that. Even if they post a picture of themselves, you never know if it truly is their picture or of someone else. Most of the time it is someone else. When you go out to meet someone that you talked to on the Internet, take someone else along with you. If you are a teenager, it is best to tell your parent or parents about conversations you have been having over the Internet. Never meet a strange man at night. The light of day does offer some safety measures-but the main safety measures comes from within you. Use your common sense, and if something that they say or do does not seem right – Its a Red Flag!! Never ignore your own instincts. Better never to have met, and be safe..then meet and be sorry.