For many years now, people have been placing profiles up on Personal Ad sites in hopes of meeting the person of their dreams. Millions of people, this is including even myself, seek that special someone out there…but does it work? Contrary to most people’s snickers about online meetings, this in fact is a great way to meet someone. You can get to know someone without the fear or rejection as it can be in the “real world”. Most people who post personal ads up are truly looking for someone in their life. In my six plus years going through online personals, dating and even settling down with someone for a long while, I hope this small guide will assist others in using sites to meet others.
Now, first thing you ask is how do I start? Well, I recommend finding sites that are Free entirely, not some that say FREE to list, but charge $20 to $50 to reply to a person who emails you. Sites like Matchopolis.com isn’t a good start. They say their service is Free, but you have to purchase credits just to email or reply to someone so you can know them. Eharmony.com is not a good one either, it’s $50 to sign up and this is per month. Limitations to accounts is not a very good way to start, but places like Craigslist.com (which is Nation Wide) offers free postings, pictures and you can also trade, sell and more on this site. That or use a search engine such as Metacrawler.com to find Free Personal Sites (and then also include your state) Trick is to read all the Membership offers and benefits. If they want money to use the email function, most of the sites I have tried like Faceparty.com were FAKE email replies from ads created by the company or porn sites to get more money out of you. I had over ten replies in two days from ads that were also listed the exact same way on multiple sites. You just have to trial and error them really, don’t let this discourage you any.
Okay…here’s how you start. Once you find a site you feel comfortable with, lets say FaceTheJury.com you decide to go with. First, you fill out a profile page which includes: your name, state you live in, who you are, what you are looking for, if you’re a smoker or non etc. Basically, be yourself, because lying will not get you far once you meet someone. There are people who lie though, so you have to filter through and trust your instincts. Once you have your information posted, get a very NICE and CLEAR picture to post with your ad if you truly want to meet someone. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I also believe even though you can be attracted to someone from the inside, the outer side is the first thing you’d see if you met them in person. Many people who are older, overweight, disfigured or just not “model” quality try to use ads without pictures in hopes you can see past that once you get to “know them” online. Well, sorry…it doesn’t work this way. Pictures are a must because if you were not online meeting, physical attraction is the basis of approaching someone. You just can’t look across the bar or table and see someone sitting and think “Wow, what a great personality they have even thought they are not my type physically”.
Now that you heard that speech, its time to meet someone who emails you in interest. I’m a male, so this is going to have two views listed for men and women. So, someone emails you wanting to chat. I recommend that you email each other for at least a few weeks to get to know each other a little. Don’t fall into the trap of “oh they like me, I can’t wait to meet them”. Experience has shown me that if you jump without looking, this ride lasts a few days to maybe a month until you discover who they really are. Also, ask if they own a camera so they can send a new picture for you, even ask for them to hold a paper up with your name on it to prove they are who they say they are. Many older men (especially) will use fake pictures or their sons to get you to talk to them, then you meet and find them to be 400lbs and ugly sugar daddies. Yes, this is common online. Older men offer to buy off a girl or woman because that’s all they can offer. Sex is the only thing that runs through most men’s thoughts for online dating. But again, you just have to filter and try to pick out the good ones. It’s even hard for men to find women who aren’t gold-diggers, cheats or liars. Men and women are not much different when it comes to lies, deceit and manipulating these days,
Advise to WOMEN upon first date(s):
Coming from a straight male, I hope this shows you not all men are perverts and chivalry still exists.
If the man has not talked about sex, asked how big your chest is or anything on that subject of sex, it’s time to possibly meet. Be weary of the ones who say they like hanging out at bars or who sit at home drinking. That’s the big test, so hopefully this will be a guide for you to be careful when meeting.
1) Do NOT allow them to have your full name or phone number. Explain to them you want their number to call them and use * 67 to private your number. Make them “earn” your number through trust and understanding. This is a safety for you not to be stalked if this doesn’t work out. Without your full name, they cannot search you online or via phone book for your address. This also should include your email address, do NOT have your full name as your display name in your email. With date rapes, murders and other horrible things in this world, its better to protect yourself early.
2) Do NOT have them pick you up to meet them. Find a restaurant or coffee shop etc to meet each other at. Public places are BEST to do this. This way there is no way for the person to abduct you in their car, take you places you don’t wish to go. It’s control at an equal level and I do believe women should have more control in the initial meeting with someone since it’s about impossible for a woman to rape a man.
3) To be fair so there is no “obligation” for sex, both male and female pay for their own lunch /dinner. Some people expect something for “treating” someone out. This saves you on the other person holding that against you later. So to be safe, go halves on your first dates, this shows both are equals.
4) Take your time getting to know this new person, don’t stay overnight on your first dates or even go home with the person. Make them wait out to be sure they are interested in you and not just your body.
5) If you find anything wrong or not as they stated online about themselves, walk away. Be sure to keep their email conversations in your mind as much as possible. When talking on the phone, re-read things you talked about to see if everything matches the last statements made (just don’t let them know you are doing this). Basically, it’s to see if one lie matches the next if you feel like they are lying.
6) Be truthful in everything about yourself because lying will just come back at you harder.
Advise to MEN upon first date(s):
1) Do NOT try to pick the woman up from her home or ask for her number. Give her yours as a trust for them to call you if they wish to talk. Tell them to call using * 67 to keep them private to protect their privacy until you earn their number. By giving a woman more control, you open the door for them to want to remain with someone who cares about their safety and well being.
2) Make arrangements to meet them in a Public place so there’s no chance of them having to feel scared. Restaurant, coffee shop etc. Most women who go online looking for a relationship doesn’t want to go to a bar with you on a first date, if that was the case they’d be going there instead of online. Don’t make yourself out to be a loser that hangs out every night at bars, it can show you only want sex with them in most cases.
3) Do NOT pay for their lunch/dinner, go halves. This way there is no “obligation” into thinking someone owes you for dining.
4) When your date is over, be kind and don’t try to offer to go home with them. Respect them and hold the doors for them, don’t stare at a chest…look in their eyes while you talk so they know you are being yourself and truthful.
5) Be truthful in everything about yourself because lying will just come back at you harder.
Since 2001, I have been dating online and had many disastrous dates and many good ones that lasted six months or more. These basic respect levels I give to each and every woman I have dated are things I’m proud to have. Hopefully, both men and women that read this may have better views for future online dating themselves. I wish you all the best, if any of you have questions about online dating, please email me to write further articles about the dangers and benefits to online dating.